Kazunari can’t hear the roaring of the crowd, his own heartbeat has drowned out every other sound. He doesn’t remember being quite this agitated in his life. He looks at Satoshi smiling dorkily beside him, all red and shiny in his Ohmiya SK costume, and he is somewhat calmed, but not enough to stop the butterflies frolicking in his stomach. Is he nervous? He wipes his sweaty palms against his sparkly blue Yuuji shorts.   


It's probably because he's performing in front of such a large audience. Nah, that can't be it. He overcame his stage fright years ago, even prior to Arashi. Working in the public eye for a long time can boost one's courage  (or numb the senses). And being with their fans makes him happy and excited, but not anxious, not like this. 

Is it because of what they'll be doing soon? But it isn’t like this is the first time for them to do this, not in public (hell, they did this just yesterday in front of the fans and he wasn't nervous then. He wasn't, he really wasn't), and certainly not in private. The first time they did this in public was actually his idea-- as are most of the sweet, romantic things they do as fan service). 

The first time they did this in private, well, he doesn’t remember that anymore.  He doesn’t even remember when he started getting it on with Satoshi; it was just one of those things that just happened, something that does not warrant deep thinking. If pressed though, Kazunari can dredge up hazy memories of after-concerts and sharing beds (and Satoshi has been the only Arashi member who has never complained that Kazunari does not like taking baths after concerts), of suddenly waking up and finding himself pressing against Satoshi’s thigh and  going back to sleep once he’s done (or undone). 

The memories of how all that changed are hazier still. It used to be just him humping at Satoshi’s thigh like there’s no tomorrow and wishing the old guy wouldn’t wake up (not because he’s afraid Satoshi would then find out about his secret love for the other man, they're not in a soap opera, but because he just wants to get off easily, without interruptions. The truth is, of the two sexes, Kazunari actually prefers girls-- he likes boys, yes, but girls, oh he loves girls, can’t get enough of how they look, smell, taste, and if Satoshi were a girl, she wouldn’t be Kazunari’s type, anyway). And there were those times when Satoshi would blearily look at him and tell him to stop moving so much, he’s trying to sleep for fuck’s sake (except Satoshi wouldn’t say that because even sleepy or exhausted or both, he’s a polite man). Then there was the phase when Kazunari entertained the fantasy of Satoshi almost waking up while Kazunari was rubbing himself against the older man (and that fantasy made him come so easily because it felt dangerous and exciting), but that gradually turned into that phase when he actually wished  Satoshi would wake up and participate in the fun. Still, the following morning, Satoshi did not give any indication that he knew what Kazunari had been up to, and the older man never gave any sign of pleasure or distaste. So Kazunari kept at it when roomed with Satoshi, humping on Satoshi’s leg or thigh or butt as a little horny puppy would. 

Then, one night, or early morning, he wasn’t sure which, Kazunari woke up with a fucking hard-on and he was grinding against Satoshi’s thigh. With lust tearing at him full force, he whipped out his dick from his boxers, intent on frotating between Satoshi's legs. And that was when he saw Satoshi looking at him with dark eyes and smiling the faintest of smiles. 

Nothing changed, though. No, something did, Kazunari corrects himself. The following night, after their last concert for that tour, on their way back to their dressing room, Satoshi hugged him from behind and rubbed his erection on Kazunari’s butt. 

It’s now their bad habit to get lost in broom closets and bathroom cubicles and in the greenroom,  groping each other’s balls and cocks and asses.

They’re not dating, it's not like that. He doesn’t go to Satoshi's house and Satoshi doesn’t visit his pad; it’s not like they’re having an affair. There are no teary discussions about relationships or infidelity--they're actually not the sappy emo couple their public selves are making out to be. It's just that he’s naturally tactile and Satoshi is naturally receptive to his touch. And that's all there is to it-- they're just two nice boys who are good friends who also happen to dick around when they're horny, with or without the help of alcohol. 

So yes, the sexual tension is real. And yes, the forces of the universe have seen it fit for them to naturally gravitate towards each other. But no. No,  he's not in love with Satoshi. And no, Satoshi is not the person, has never been one of the persons, who kept him awake at night, wondering and staring at the stars. 

Oh, shit, why is he thinking of these things now? The MC would be over soon and he should be focusing on his performance with Satoshi. He should concentrate; this is just a part of his job. 

This is work and he should stop being so apprehensive. 

Kazunari shuts out the voice in his head that tells him he may be mistaking something else for nervousness.

As their spotlights hover onstage, Kazunari turns off all thoughts and tells his heart to be still. Well, not be still, just to behave. It's not good manners to just keel off and die in front of the fans. 

He sings and dances this same skit he has done many times before. The fans' screams reverberate across the dome as Satoshi grins widely. And once again, Kazunari realizes how glad he is to be part of Arashi.

The skit is over and he finds himself laughing at Satoshi's antics. And suddenly, Satoshi is so close to him, staring at him.

"I want our Final Love," Satoshi declares breathily, his eyes laughing.

The fans shriek. It's going to happen any moment soon, Kazunari thinks, and his chest contracts only to explode with giddiness. What? All right, he admits. He is nervous. Just that. And he doesn't have to know why. He just is.

"I want to be seme'd today," Satoshi says, as if the fans need more reasons to go crazy.

Kazunari lifts the mic away from his lips. Satoshi does the same and raises his lips for Kazunari to kiss.

Kazunari holds Satoshi's cheeks and hears himself say, "Taka. I'm not that tall. My face is here."

Here it goes, Kazunari tells himself, and they kiss. It is brief and Kazunari finds it soothing and familiar and something else he doesn't want to think about.

"I stole Taka's lips!" Kazunari suddenly realizes he's screaming.

"We did it," Satoshi murmurs.

And as he feels his Oh-chan bubble over with joy, Kazunari wonders if his heart will get bruised from all its thumping against his ribcage.